My POV: Love is not a Pattern
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My POV: Love is not a Pattern
“I’ve been so desperate for love and great love and that’s why I’m here. I want it to be right because it’s failed so much before because of me saying I Love You First.”
c^2= a^2 + b^2 is a formula. In order to answer the c, you always have to follow the pattern which is to get a and b.
In Love, it’s contrary. When you are heartbroken once, it doesn’t mean that will happen every time. When one story fails, it doesn’t mean that there’s no hope left for a successful one…for every human is different yet the same….so is Love.
There’s no definite formula but there are certain things that as a couple, you need to have. You can’t have every single one of them but a number of it is enough.
Personally, I’ve witnessed different kinds of love stories. Some had to move mountains and cross the oceans. Others had to end while only few had actually survived through it all. I get teary-eyed whenever I get to see tragic love stories unfold.
We can never say that one is more complicated than the other. For example, a relationship between two famous people can be easier than the ordinary ones. BUT, there’s the ever present factor of public scrutiny which can be so damaging to mere mortals like us. So, we are at least lucky to not face that.
In my own experience, Love is a thief in a shadow. Who would’ve have thought I would meet him in a very uncommon place for two people to start falling in love? I would never have imagined that it would happen just after I turned 18. That was more than 3 years ago. And now……he’s working hard for his future, with me being part of his solid support system. I’d like to insist that whatever we did to make it work, in spite of the long distance, is not necessary applicable to others.
But, I would point it out for clarity’s sake. I believe that the worst ordeal that a couple could face is a long distance relationship. Most of the time, I hear people say instantly that “It’s not going to work. Trust me.” You never know if you’re not going to at least try, right? You NEED to have a constant communication. You both NEED to be open about things that bother, hurt and excite you. You NEED to share every marked moment of your life. You NEED to brush off your insecurities and jealousies about seeing other couples engaging in over exposed PDA and hoping that you could get into that place with your loved one.
But there’s this one that is on top of my list as very important. You NEED to TRUST each other. If there’s a room in your heart that has even a little bit of doubt, that’s a bad sign. Remember, if you know that your partner has FAITH in you, he or she will make a huge EFFORT to not waste it. He or she will STRIVE to not disappoint you. The word CHEATING would not cross you mind.
Next, at least one of you should have a unique SENSE of HUMOR. Here’s the thing, we cannot avoid feeling down sometimes. That’s totally normal. Wouldn’t it be great when during those times, he or she could cheer you up and make you feel better? And if you’re both happy, wouldn’t you want that you could make each other even more ecstatic that there would be no room for loneliness and suffering?
Next, DREAM together. If you arrive at the stage where you are not afraid to talk about your future it’s a good sign. It means that you’re committed to your partner and relationship because for you, it is a long lasting one. You have that very optimistic mindset that you can really make it all the way through.
Lastly, it would be great if God is in the center of your relationship and your families are also involved. My mother had grown very close to him. He seeks for her advice. She would pray for him. Sometimes, she would side with him than with me. And the moment that I really felt that all of these are right was when my mother cried as she told him over the phone that “I treat/consider you as my child already….you know what I mean…” I believe that everything’s falling into place.
I promised to wait for him, not because he asked me to…but because I love him and I want for us to build our future together.
Did you see a pattern? Think hard. Maybe, you’ve seen the same love story as mine……if not…I would be surprised.
You know, an unrequited love is actually the hardest one in my opinion. Why? Take for example, in c^2= a^2 + b^2, you can’t go further when there’s no a or b. One time, I’ve been through that situation too. So, I can relate to how it’s so miserable to love someone who doesn’t love you. That’s when I knew that it’s wrong. That it’s not meant to be. It’s not advisable to insist yourself to that person and become obsess. You have to learn to let go and move forward. And that is never easy. It takes a LOT to achieve that.
On the other hand…..this is the kind of relationship that celebrity or famous couples have a more complicated equation. I’ve already mentioned earlier that it can really be much more complicated for them. That’s the reason why there’s a low percentage of successful relationship in that industry. The life span of a gnat can even be longer than that of theirs. As I observe, PUBLIC SCRUTINY is the number one problem. We are talking about celebrity couples who truly love each other and not those who PRETEND to be especially for promotional purposes. The dissection of aspect of your relationship, life….and then the invasion of your privacy...the horrible lies that media try to sell…are TOO MUCH to handle especially when you’re on a fresh relationship. That’s why some couples had to wait for some time before they reveal it to the public because they needed to make sure that they’re strong enough to open their relationship to the public. Would they handle and endure it?
The most common problem is the LACK OF TIME for each other because of their hectic schedules. That’s just a really lame reason to break up. Why? Well, there’s always an available TIME! If you desperately want to make it work, you HAVE to make some time even if it’s minutes or a few hours. And trust me, it would mean a lot because at least there’s an effort. You can talk while you’re eating…so on and so forth. I’m not dumb to fall for that kind of excuse, “we just have no time for each other”. Haven’t they heard about MULTITASKING, which I’m good at?
People are most skeptical about celebrity relationships that have developed from on-screen reality/non-reality TV shows, movies…etc. They say that it would end too once the show or movie would end. It would end when the people involved are in another project because he/she might fall for another one again…etc. Admittedly, I agree that most of those reel turned real couples have turned out to be a failure that’s why I won’t generalize because I still believe that there are few out there that can find TRUE LOVE in that scenario or environment.
I’ll give examples first before I discuss that issue further….Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are still very much together. Yes, the powerhouse Hollywood Royalty couple Brangelina began their love story when they both starred in the movie Mr and Mrs Smith. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are still going stronger.
Now, I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the well-known US reality TV shows The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, which are being considered as the two of the most romantic shows especially in the US…If not, google it. You will find a lot of search results. Anyways, they have this bad track record that only about 12% of the couples that they have produced are happily married (2 from The Bachelorette out of 8 and 1 from The Bachelor out of 16). The airing of The Bachelor Season 17 has just finished and there might be a glimmer of hope for this show because the latest couple is genuinely in love as far as most of us can see.
First, let us know them a bit, because I’m their fan (which is unexpected because I’m not a fan of the franchise). So, the “hunky and beefy” Sean Lowe is a 29 year old Insurance Agent from Texas. He graduated from Kansas State University with a degree in Bachelor of Science in Social Science. He placed third during The Bachelorette Season 8. On his journey to find true love after being heartbroken, which the whole world witnessed, he shocked many with his admission that he’s a born-again virgin. We all know that in this openly liberal world, that is not a norm especially in the US. People lose their virginity as early as well…you know what I mean. When I heard that about Sean, and knowing that he’s a Christian, I had this hunch that he joined The Bachelorette before because he wanted to meet the love of his life…and that was still the case when he agreed to be the next The Bachelor. I found it so real unlike the past The Bachelor contestants who were only after making out and sex.…not love. Honestly, I haven’t watched the whole season. I just became active few weeks before the Finale.
I remember one afternoon; I was watching TV and some of the hosts of a US talk show talked about The Bachelor and their bet to win. If I’m not mistaken, I heard the name of Catherine Giudici being mentioned. I didn’t have any idea who they were talking about. One night, I went online and it suddenly dawn on me that the result of The Bachelor Season 17 was very fast approaching. I wondered who most people predicted to win. I began searching…..You can do that too right now or after reading this.
It was evident that there were some spoilers. I asked myself if they were reliable and true. Upon looking at Catherine’s face, I figured she has an exotic beauty. Whenever I use the word exotic…that means I have an instinct that the person I’m referring to has a Filipino blood in him/her. Well, as usual, my hunch was right. Her mother is a Filipina.
The 26 years-old intelligent, goofy, nerdy and beautiful Seattle, Washington resident Catherine, graduated from Washington State University with a major in Advertising and minor in Fine Arts. Prior to joining The Bachelor Season 17, she was a graphic designer of “tech behemoth” Amazon. She resumed that job after the show wrapped up. She also writes as she has a weekly column in Seattleite.com entitled Meatless Mondays. If she has any spare time, she travels the world too. Aside from being in an all-boy football team and cheerleading group when she was younger, my jaw dropped when I’ve discovered that she’s a vegan. That started four years ago after her visit to Kenya. She has two sisters, one is older and the other is younger.
So, before I begin relating their love story, I have to say that I don’t wanna jinx it and I’m not good at it.
Catherine made a good first impression on Sean out of the 26 girls. The catch here is their relationship didn’t develop as fast as with the other girls. Since Sean is a born-again virgin, he would make out with other girls through kissing. Catherine is traditional. She’s not as liberated as the others that’s why it took some time for them to get that close. They started off as friends. With Sean liking her personality, he wanted to get out of the “friend zone” with her, though he was afraid to begin kissing her since she didn’t give her yet a go signal to do that. He was waiting for her permission. It was only on Week 6 when Sean and Catherine shared their first kiss. And it was actually a very special moment for both of them as that kiss left them wanting for more. That caused Catherine to receive the rose first for the very first time. It was on Canada when they had their first one-on-one date. I gotta say that it was another turning point for them. They played on the snow, e.g. doing flips, somersault, walking on their hands, making snow angels and acted like well ”four-year-olds”. Clearly, they had a blast. The “wife” word was mentioned. The best way to end that fun filled date was the idea of a fairytale and being in that ice castle. I love how Catherine controlled her emotions as she was opening to him about a very traumatic experience in her childhood years. I applaud Sean for admiring how Catherine has become what and who she is…that behind that cheerful front is a life-altering past. I guess that’s when he appreciated her much more. Lastly, he realized how special she is as she also had changed his perspective about things.
In St. Croix, Catherine shared another personal matter to Sean. Her father had a suicidal attempt in front of her and her sisters when they were younger. She was shaking after but Sean was there to protectively comfort her. During their hometown date, where Sean went to Seattle to meet Catherine’s family, the “wife” word was mentioned again by Sean. At the first part of the day, they really enjoyed. Before they went to Catherine’s house, she taught Sean about the Mano Po Filipino Custom. She told him that when her Lola (grandmother) offered her hand, Sean should not kiss it. Instead, he should take it and put it on his forehead. He did just that when they arrived in her house.
One of the foods served to Sean was Lumpia. Later on, Catherine’s mother showed Sean how to make it. He went to the kitchen and tried to follow her mom’s instructions. He also had a cute chit chat with Catherine’s Lola, where she complimented Sean.
The atmosphere got serious though when Catherine’s sister had a little tete-a-tete with her, and then with Sean. I understood them on why they are skeptical about Catherine and Sean. Pretty much, if I sum it up…they were not sure if Catherine is ready to get married if ever Sean proposes to her at the end of Season 17. Sean also had a conversation with Catherine’s mother. He wanted to know if they would give him their blessing if he would propose to her. The answer that he got was well, kind of a blur.
Their time in Thailand was the moment where Catherine claimed that she totally fell in love with Sean. I had the chance to see this unfold and I gotta say, the episode was very telling with whom he would end up with. The hints were here and there. They talked about what happened back in Seattle and whether she’s really ready to settle down or not. “So, I was in a long-term relationship with somebody and I thought I was ready then until I got completely scared and after that I understood what it took and why I shouldn’t be scared in that kind of commitment…”
Again, Sean mentioned the “wife” word.
Other than reciting the multiplication together, there was a LOT of kissing between the two that I thought I absolutely needed oxygen or else, I’m gonna pass out. “I love being with Catherine. I care so much about Catherine. I always wanna show her affection because I want her to know what I feel…then when she looks at me with those brown eyes, how can you not help but give her a kiss all the time?”
During their dinner…they talked more…and there was a moment where their future was tackled.
“When I first met Sean, I never thought that a boy like him would like a girl like me.” Before going to the pool and continuing their undeniable intimacy, Catherine opened up again to Sean. “I was made fun a lot in my life and it wasn’t in a mean way. It was just always like…just funny way and I thought that I could handle it…just that ‘you’re chubby…you eat too much’…all that kind of stuff. So, I’ve honestly never been in a bathing suit more times in my life than with you.”
I melted when Sean looked intensely into her eyes and said, “You are smoking hot, okay? I’m the lucky one. Promise…”
After seconds of gazing into the window of each other’s souls, she asked him, “What?” to which he replied, “You make me happy.” That’s the second time in the evening that he said that to her.
To other avid fans, they said, “that scene was a giveaway”.
Few days before the judgment, Catherine had the opportunity to meet Sean’s family. I love what his father had told her. Based from what I’ve seen, they like her. Their last date before the Finale was a long one. They began with riding on an elephant in Thailand, which, I must point out, is ‘coincidentally’ one of the things in Catherine’s bucket list. And that was another good sign, I must say. I felt giddy when I saw how Sean held onto her throughout the journey. I will not elaborate that. LOL
The day ended pretty emotionally…on her part. My heart broke for her. As he was about to leave the room, she said, “I don’t want you to go”. In the background, she was saying, “I’ve been so desperate for love and great love and that’s why I’m here. I want it to be right because it’s failed so much before because of me saying I Love You First.” And then, back into that moment itself, she whispered, “Sean…” and then a long pause before finally saying, “I love you.”
In the background, she explained that “It’s a big risk for me. After I told him I love you, I was looking at him and hoping that I could see a glimmer of you know, ‘I wanna be with you forever’ and nothing. I feel like something’s coming down on me. This is pain. Like this is painful. I want him to reciprocate his feelings for me so that I know why I’ve given this much coz if it doesn’t happen, I can’t justify that. And I know going into this tonight, I can’t predict what’s gonna happen. It’s scary.” I was almost tearing up as hers as an extreme close-up of her sobbing on her bed was visible on the screen.
Okay, the Finale was probably, filled with mix emotions both from the viewers and the Top 2 Girls and Sean. Coming into that moment, Lindsay was way more confident than Catherine. Why? Well, her last date with Sean went extremely well. That’s contrary to what took place with Catherine, as I’ve mentioned a while ago. Catherine knew that no matter what the result would be, it will change her life in a BIG way while Lindsay was expecting Sean’s proposal to her.
The first one to meet up with Sean was Lindsay. The result: he didn’t pick her. OUCH! Yeah, that hurts SO MUCH. So, does that mean he chose Catherine? If you’re for Team Cat, and you’re excited to know, well, before they were face to face, he received a letter from her. It was already hard for Sean to ‘reject’ Lindsay and then he thought the letter from Catherine meant something along the line of: “I’m sorry but I can’t do this. Goodbye.” That would have been uber TRAGIC. Thank God! He would have been so DEVASTATED, I’m telling you. Or maybe, I could have seen him run for Catherine to stop her from leaving.
“.….I was always nervous about being a ‘wife’ but after knowing you and feeling strongly as I do, I couldn’t picture myself as anything but YOUR wife. All I want to do is move to Dallas and become a part of the wonderful family that you have and to build our own. I will love you forever if you let me. You have my heart. Always, Catherine,” this was written on the latter part of the letter which I’m guessing, gave Sean a huge sigh of relief. And I gotta say, when he finished reading it, his eyes were watery.
When Cat was still making her way towards him, he had this lighted up smile on his face. The feeling was probably so overwhelming. He couldn’t wait to propose to her. He held her hands and began uttering these, “This has been such a crazy journey. And there have been so many unexpected wonderful moments with you. I knew from the very beginning that you were someone that I want to be around. I just had no idea that my feelings were going to turn into what they turned into. You never cease to amaze me. You never do. I think the world of you and I miss you. Every time we have to say goodbye, I miss you. I don’t wanna say goodbye anymore.” Pause. “Catherine, I want to spend the rest of my life telling you I love you and making you feel like the most special beautiful woman in the world.” He knelt down and brought out the 4carat Neil Lane engagement ring. “Catherine, will you marry me?” She answered without any hesitation, “Yes.” Cat’s reaction was so cute. She looked like she was going to pass out. Sean thought that too.
“Oh, my gosh! Is this for real?” As if she still couldn’t believe that he actually proposed to her. “This is for real.” Sean assured her, “I love you so much. I do. Let me tell you everyday.”
Then, they rode together on an elephant into the wonderful sunset.
After that, they had a few days alone privately as a celebration for their engagement. SeanCat had to make their relationship a secret because of keeping out the result from the public. They had to wait for the show to finish before they would be able to go out and about for people to see. Within those four months, they would meet up in a secret house in LA. They had to stay inside and hide there. But at least, they were together and they could make the most out of those few opportunities. That happened every two weeks. Then they fly back to Seattle and Dallas.
I can imagine how hard it was for them to maintain it. But yeah, they were just super happy that they can now let the public see them together. As they made their media rounds, I was curious of how they would handle things now. Based from the interviews that I have watched/read, they are the same persons we saw on TV. Their relationship didn’t falter…instead…it evolved into something stronger. When they answered the questions, they were very articulate, smart and mature. They know what they were saying. As far as I can see, as Catherine put it, “Neither of us is perfect but we are perfect for each other.” Their compatibility is on the page where they complement each other.
When it comes to their plan for the future, a lot has been happening at this moment. I just hope they would really make it and prove to people that just because other couples prior to them failed, they would too. They would not continue that pattern.
Since Catherine is free-spirited, and she’s the one right now who is supporting Sean in his decision to join Dancing with the Stars, she wouldn’t just stay in LA. She’s going to find creative outlets to satisfy her drive of working. It wouldn’t be hard for her because she’s smart and she has a great working background. I wouldn’t be surprised if the work would find her.
I think though that they should marry by July or August. A long engagement is not good. But I’m confident that they would make it through that special day. As for kids, they said that they’re not gonna rush. They would enjoy being husband and wife before jumping into being parents because they really have to be ready for that kind of responsibility. And I agree with that. A year of marriage can be the perfect time to have their first child. They are going to have the cutest baby ever. I’m not kidding.
Back to the main topic, I do not claim to be an expert in this area. I just want to share to you what I know then you can accept or refuse to believe.
Do not be afraid of Love. The true formula of love is: love comes with pain and pleasure, sorrow and joy, bad and good, and negative and positive. You have to feel both. That’s the bargain, they are in pair. You wouldn’t feel the other without going through the other.
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