A Frand Reaction Post: RIP Christina Grimmie

*There's a tribute video at the end of this post...you can skip the rest if you are too tired to read. 

For me, she’s not really dead. Her body will rot and return to dust eventually (like all of us) but she had gained an eternal life beyond death through her faith in Jesus Christ…

Grief has five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I don’t exactly know what stage I am in because I still cry every now and then (which I will explain why) but I have accepted that she’s an angel in heaven who is more likely singing to our Lord. We have our own story of what that day had been for each of us… learning the dreaded news. It’s not easy to reminisce that moment though because it’s painful and sad in so many level.

I decided to make a separate blog post for Christina Grimmie. The other one (read that post here: A Frand Appreciation Post: In Loving Memory of Christina Grimmie RIP) was an appreciation where we celebrate what we love about her and I didn’t elaborate about what happened that day.  On the other hand, this is more about expressing my feelings. It's also sort of a rant. I would mention the world “death” or “died” alongside Christina because we have to accept the fact that she had become an unfortunate victim of violence and evil of this world and its people. If you have many things to say about this, please read on. Maybe, we share the same sentiments. We could use each other to lean on during this tough time.

I am usually more active in Twitter than in Facebook. I check what has been trending. On that fateful day of June 11 (Philippine time), #PrayForChristina was surprisingly the number one trending topic in the Philippines. I thought, “I wonder, who is this Christina that needed to be prayed for and why?” Then, I discovered that it was Christina Grimmie and apparently, she was shot and in critical condition. I figured, well, I hope she would survive. It wasn’t long after when an official police statement was released and confirmed that she didn’t make it. That was when I felt really sick. It could not possibly be true.

Watching her videos, I was not able to finish it through without bawling my eyes out. It was worse then. It’s sort of better now. The reason why I cried so hard for the first week is because I’m in my DENIAL stage. It felt like a dream. There I was, watching Christina and her videos and she was so FULL OF LIFE! She couldn’t be gone! I was even more emotional when I had reached the next stage, which is ANGER. How in the heck did a gun pass through security? Were they snoozing that’s why they didn’t notice the gun? That was their job, to keep the people safe but they MESSED up big time. When the killer had managed to get to the meet and greet, were there any security for that? There is no excuse. How in the world that no one noticed the gun that was concealed somewhere? The moment he held that gun, you had like a few seconds to react. Didn’t someone behind the killer was aware? Why would no one be right beside Christina at that moment? Someone could have tackled the killer before he could even pull the trigger? The direction would have been changed. Even the alteration of the direction could have made the difference. Being shot point blank is really hard to survive from. There would have been a chance if she was shot somewhere else. So many questions filled my mind. We all want to blame someone because this could have been prevented, to be honest. It’s true. It wouldn’t have happened if someone just did their freaking job. Christina had to die for that irresponsibility. We just never learn.

The identity of her killer was revealed. We could agree that upon seeing the picture of that guy (who was even grinning), I couldn’t help but utter, “How dare he!” Believe me, it’s insulting to me the way he looked in that picture. Who the heck is this crazy person and why would he kill Christina? Murder is not justifiable. It’s a CRIME. It’s an EVIL act. You have no freaking valid reason to kill another person especially someone as wonderful of a person as Christina. Unfortunately, the guy killed himself probably because he wasn’t able to make his planned escape. He had no way out. So, he took the easiest route to excuse himself from being punished by the law in committing this crime. He was a coward from the very beginning. It would have been better if he survived. So, he could pay and suffer for what he did. He would have seen how he’s being loathed.

The question really is the MOTIVE. Why kill Christina? What had she done to deserve such tragic fate? If that guy (I refuse to call him by name) was alive, the police could just ask him that question and we get the answer. Since he was a messed up evil person, he took away Christina’s life and freaking leave with his motive. I get really furious. Who is this monster? Why the hell was he not in a psychiatric hospital? Initially, police described him as a deranged fan who traveled all the way to Orlando just to kill Christina. That right there is a sign of a monster and his sick mind. His effort to commit that crime gives away his intention. I bet, he was waiting for that day knowing that it would be Christina’s last. He knew. She didn’t. By shooting her on the head, he made sure that she wouldn't survive. Planning it also proves that there’s another side of him than just being a deranged fan. I understand the life of being a fan. I am a fan girl myself but everything has its limitation. Nothing in excess is good. Obsession is particularly not healthy.

Since the police hasn’t finished their investigation and released anything else, there have been some possible motives that were written in online articles. It was said that she was killed for her outspoken Christian faith. Personally, regardless if she died for it or not, I am sure that she’s in Heaven now. She's singing to our Lord. It COULD be a motive but I don’t think that’s really the one most suitable for the killer’s actions. He would not specifically kill her. He could have had killed somebody else. That monster is definitely not a Christian for sure. I don’t think he even believed in a God. New details were then released that according to this guy’s co-workers, he was obsessed with her. He had this imagination that he would marry her. He went to great lengths just so he could have a chance with her. He listened to her songs and claimed to have seen her in one of her concerts. However, his obsession certainly took a deadly turn when he was teased by his co-workers that he wouldn’t have the slightest chance because Christina already had a boyfriend (even though she’s not very open to the public about it). Few weeks before he shot her dead, she shared two photos of her and his boyfriend in Instagram. Now, that really could have been what provoked him. This scenario fits more perfectly to his motive.

BARGAINING I could think of three things to be bargained for. First, if only the security provided for in that event did their job, the guy and his guns wouldn’t get pass through the entrance in the first place. He couldn’t have been near her with those guns. If I am only in the position to do something about this huge lapse, I would sue the security agency or the event organizer in a heartbeat. That would definitely serve them right. Second, Christina shouldn’t have posted those two pictures. It called for trouble. However, I couldn’t blame her. She was not aware that she actually had an obsessed fan who was evil enough to want to murder her. Christina’s frands are all decent. Her guy frands are not creepy. But no one imagined that she would have this guy who could commit such sin. Believe me, I am still taken aback that such guy could exist for Christina. Anyways, posting those pictures was a terrible mistake. I wish she hadn’t. Lastly, I am astounded that this guy’s neighbor or family or acquaintance didn’t do anything. The signs were there. Why not take him to a psychiatric hospital? Why let him just roam around and live like it is usual even if he’s a freaking crazy person who could potentially harm others? Why tolerate him? Why the indifference? What about his family? Did he even have one? If he did, how did he grow up as a killer? I don’t believe for a bit that no one was aware of his plan. He could at least have mentioned it to a few people. Someone would have noticed him preparing his murderous plot. No one cared that we know of. They just let him go the distance to Orlando. It would have made a difference.  

DEPRESSION I STILL cry hard because of three reasons. First, she didn’t deserve it. Second, I feel sorry that she died at such young age and in that way. She still had a bright future ahead of her. Third, this world needed someone as wonderful as her: her goodness and faith. It’s such a shame that we lost her. This world has just become dimmer. It’s already messed up. It’s even worse now.

ACCEPTANCE She was almost perfect that it seemed like she was more of an angel than a human. I take comfort and delight in the fact that her strong faith she held on would give her an eternal life and a well-deserved place in God’s kingdom above. She loved Jesus and lived her life for Him. She was a true Christian. She could be singing to Him now. I believe in my heart that she’s in heaven and she’s been loving it. Let’s not forget what her brother said and what the witness saw. The incident was quick but in her final moments, she worded that she saw Jesus next. She opened her arms. Her father is right, she’s in a better place and she’s alive there more than she ever was here. No one could hurt her anymore.

For me, she’s not really dead. Her body will rot and return to dust eventually (like all of us) but she had gained an eternal life beyond death through her faith in Jesus Christ… just like when He conquered the grave and rose again. She was angel here who had to be called home by God. Though we would still ask, every now and then, “Why this soon?” We can celebrate her life here through her lasting legacy: music, personality and faith.  She didn’t die in vain. She’s now with our Lord and Savior, filling heaven with her incredible voice.  She chose to be with Him. Her vision of Him that night was a telling sign. She loved Him much more.